Why I Can’t Quit Encouraging Wives to Have More and Better Sex

“You lose your way when you lose your why. Write down the reasons why you can’t quit doing the work you’ve been called to do.”

Michael Hyatt said this as he wrapped up the first Platform Conference this week. Those words are still ringing in my ears.

I’ve been in a creativity slump for many months. Here’s why: I lost my way because I lost my why. I forgot why I started CWIVES. I forgot what was at stake if I quit.

Here are the reasons I can’t quit encouraging and equipping wives to have more sex and better sex with their husbands:

1)      The children.

Picture this: A husband and wife are at the end of a long week. Their children feel anxious as they notice Mom and Dad snipping at one another, and the house feels tense. Then Mom finds the CWIVES Dare of the Month in her email inbox. Yes, she’s tired and not feeling sexy or even particularly fond of her husband, but she decides to give the Dare a try. Her husband is surprised and delighted she is initiating sex creatively. They have fun. They are proud and pleased with themselves. They wonder if every couple has as much fun as they do in the bedroom. And the next day, their children feel safe as they notice Mom and Dad are getting along well. The house feels happy.

 I can’t quit because strong, stable marriages produce strong, stable children.

 2)      The battle.

No countries go to war over Antarctica even though at 4.5 million square miles, it’s the fifth largest continent. Compare this to the 8,000 square miles of tiny, war-torn Israel. Christians, Jews, Muslims—we all highly value this narrow strip of land and have thus waged war over it for centuries. Show me a war, and I’ll show you something important.

If sex weren’t so important, Satan wouldn’t be waging his all-out assault against it. Sex trafficking, childhood sexual abuse, rape, pornography, sexually suggestive advertising, increasingly explicit movies and television shows, sexting among teens, extramarital affairs, sex addiction—there’s a war going on. Sex is one of God’s most valuable gifts, and Satan wants to steal it. Cheapen it. He wants to take this beautiful part of marriage and pervert it into something ugly and hurtful.

I can’t quit because if I do, I’m helping Satan win the battle. And I hate to lose.

 3)      The joy.

I’m a real person. Just like you, I get tired or irritated with my husband, and at those times, sex isn’t so hot. But other times, sex is amazing. I’m the world’s least athletic woman, but after great sex with my husband, I think, “If there were such a thing as the Sexual Olympics, we would win a gold medal. We are REALLY good at this.”

 I can’t quit because my greatest joy is helping you and your husband have gold medal sex. Let the games begin.

 What work have you been called to do? What is at stake if you quit?

Comments 14

  1. Bethany
    February 15, 2013

    LOL Love the idea of gold medal sex. Thanks for being a frank voice talking about great sex in marriage. You’ve been a great help to me in committing to more frequent sex with my husband and it’s made a huge positive impact on my marriage.

    I have young children and so often mothers of young children get together and normalize and justify their lack of sex with their husbands to one another. In these situations lately, I’ve become the crazy lady saying, hey–schedule sex 2-3 times a week even if you don’t feel like it. Sex begets sex. It’s so worth it!

    1. February 15, 2013

      Bethany, you have made my day! Thank you for your encouraging words and for being a fellow crazy sex lady.

  2. February 15, 2013

    The gold medal thing was simultaneously scarring and hilarious. But on a more serious note, this is awesome mom! Take those “I Can’t Quit” statements and put them where you’ll see them to keep you motivated because what you do is seriously awesome and so needed. Whenever I tell Christian wives about your ministry, their eyes become saucers and they froth for more information.

    Keep going strong!

    1. February 16, 2013

      You are a good sport, sweet girl! Thanks for your support, and we will pay for all the years of therapy you are going to need after reading my blog 😉

  3. February 16, 2013

    Thank you for reminding me why I do what I do as well. I agree wholeheartedly with your reasons! My prayers are with you in your ministry.

    1. February 16, 2013

      Thank you for your prayers and for your ministry.

  4. February 18, 2013

    Such a great post… I couldn’t agree more! It can be a tiring journey to speak hope into broken places and to go against the wave of mediocrity.

    Don’t stop speaking up though! Don’t stop encouraging wives to have more and better sex with their husbands.

    You’re making a difference!

    1. February 18, 2013

      Thank you for your kind and encouraging words! You blessed me.


  5. Dorcas Crenshaw
    March 23, 2013

    Dr. Degler,
    I was introduced to you last year when I moved to Chattanooga and started listening to WMBW. I can’t tell you how helpful, meaningful, insightful and inspiring all of your programs with Midday Connections have been! Often the Lord has me tune in when he wants me to hear what you are speaking about. Just yesterday I heard you again and was encouraged to sign up for CWIVES. So interesting to hear you are from Lexington. My daughter moved to Richmond last year, God brought her together with a wonderful Christian man and they have just begun their marriage. I look forward to sharing your site and books with both my daughters. Thank you, thank you for what you are doing. May you always speak God’s truth for his people to hear. Very blessed by your ministry. Dorcas

    1. April 17, 2013

      Hello Dorcas,

      Thanks for listening to Midday Connection and for signing up for the Dare of the Month. Richmond is a nice city, and I hope your daughter will be happy there.


  6. michael
    July 16, 2013

    thank you very much

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