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Do you usually wait for your husband to make the first move toward sex?


If so, this passivity in the bedroom can lead to destructive patterns in your marriage.


Click the tabs below to reveal two common Patterns and their Solution:

Pattern #1

You are interested in sex but you don’t initiate.

Because sex makes men feel loved and needed, your lack of initiation makes him concerned about your love/need for him. To reassure himself, he begins to approach you more often for sex.

You feel pressured and avoid sex by turning him down. He then becomes more worried and approaches more often.

The cycle worsens as your sexual desire plummets as you feel more pressured.

Pattern #2

You want sex less often than your husband so you rarely initiate.

He wants sex more often so he approaches you more often. You feel pressured and often say “no,” but occasionally you say “yes.” Over time, he begins to approach you more frequently for sex because he wants to get through all your “no’s” as quickly as possible so he can finally get to your “yes.”

Now you really feel pressured and your desire for sex drops even further, leading you to say “no” more often before you finally say “yes.” He then asks for sex even more frequently because there are now more “no’s” to get through before your “yes” finally happens. The cycle worsens as you begin to believe that all he cares about is sex.

The Solution

Here’s how to prevent or reverse these intimacy-robbing patterns.

Become an initiator in the bedroom, just like the Shulammite was in the Song of Songs in the Bible. She creatively made the first move with her husband.

To help you get your Shulammite groove going, sign up for the “Dare of the Month” by following the steps outlined below.

Step 1:

Sign up in the Dare of the Month subscription box on this page to receive a monthly email newsletter containing the Dare of the Month.

Step 2:

You will receive a confirmation email asking you to click on a link to confirm your subscription. If you don’t confirm, you won’t get the Dare newsletter. You can unsubscribe at any time. 

Step 3:

On the first Thursday of each month, check your Inbox (and possibly your Junk Mail folder) for the Dare newsletter.

Dare of the Month Suggestions

If you have a Dare of the Month suggestion, please email it to:, but remember to make your suggestions rated PG or PG-13. Your creative ideas could help bless other marriages!
The Dare of the Month is a fun resource for helping wives more frequently and imaginatively make the first move. If you find that the monthly emails make you feel pressured or guilty, then please unsubscribe from them. There is a link for unsubscribing at the bottom of each email.

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