Guest Blogger Arlene Pellicane on “Making Time for Love with Young Kids in the House”

Today’s guest blogger is Arlene Pellicane (look at her photo–isn’t she lovely?). She knows a thing or two on how to make a husband happy; in fact, she has a new book coming out in August titled 31 Days to a Happy Husband. Arlene graciously agreed to share some of her wisdom with us. Enjoy!

When you have little kids constantly crying out “I want a snack!” or “I can’t find my shoes!” it’s hard to think about sex on most days.  Especially if you have a baby, you’re thinking sleep not sex.

So how to do you make time for sex with young kids in the house?

I’ve realized that having sex with little kids in the house isn’t as challenging as we make it out to be.  If you and your husband are making love loudly and your baby is in the room next door, no problem.   Your sweet baby won’t remember a thing.

Let’s say you and your husband are making love and your toddler walks in on you, no problem.  You just pull the covers over yourselves quickly and say you’re wrestling.  No harm done.  (This scenario is totally hypothetical because in reality, you will lock your door)

But when you have older kids and teens in the house, that’s when you’ve got to be sly.  They actually know what you’re doing in the other room.  So why not take advantage of these early years with children to have sex without having to go completely undercover?

If you’re feeling not-so-sexy because of your after baby body, remember that your husband loves you and your body.  He is more interested in you being free and uninhibited sexually than he is your dress size.

If you are not in the mood, think of the many things you do in life when you’re not in the mood.  Change diapers.  Fix dinner.  Do laundry.  Now before you go thinking, “Yup, sex is just another chore,” remember that being intimate was not created as another chore but as an expression of love and beauty.  In the same way you decide that you’re going to care for the needs of your children, decide that you’re going to take care of the needs of your marriage.  Sex ranks pretty high on that list.

Here are two things you can start doing right away to rev up your love life:

Start thinking about sex.  When can you and your husband have a romantic time together?  Is there something special you want to wear?  Do you want to write him a love note?  Men are constantly thinking about sex.  I’ll be honest.   Me?  Not so much, so I have to put my mind to it.  I’m so thankful for positive resources like CWIVES to give us new ideas.

Put sex on the calendar every week.  View it as a date with your husband and save your energy for it.  Say no to other things in the day (I’ll do the laundry tomorrow, I can’t meet for coffee with a friend that afternoon) so you can get enough done to be there mentally in the bedroom when the candles are lit.

It’s so important to keep romance alive even when the baby needs to be fed and you’re teaching ABC’s to your toddler.  As my husband would say, it’s okay if the dishes are left piled in the sink.  He’d rather make love.

Question: What do you do (or did you do) to make time for love when you have young kids in the house?

Featured on The Hour of Power, The 700 Club, Better, TLC’s Home Made Simple, 
San Diego Living and Turning Point with David Jeremiah, Arlene knows how to energize and connect with an audience. Before becoming a stay home mom and author, Arlene worked as the Associate Producer for Turning Point with David Jeremiah. She has her BA from Biola University and MA from Regent University. She lives in San Diego with her husband
James and children Ethan, Noelle, and Lucy. Visit her website at


Watch for Arlene’s new book coming out in August 2012, 31 Days to a Happy Husband.  (Click on this link to go to the Amazon page)


Comments 12

  1. Lisa
    May 3, 2012

    VeggieTales!!! We Put our toddler in the highchair, our baby in the swing (so they’re safe)And our preschooler sits on the couch. They watch tv when we “need to talk alone.”

    naptime’s good too. Sometimes we put them to bed early and leave the house a mess. And we also have my husband’s sister take them for a night. Then we take hers. But since these last3 options take work, we use the tv pretty much daily. In fact, if it weren’t for our lovemaking, our babes might never watch tv =)

    1. May 16, 2012

      Great idea, Lisa! When my kids were little, we used a “Barney” video when we needed to keep the kids occupied for 30 minutes. We still refer to this as “Barney sex.” I also appreciate that you are willing to leave the house a mess and head for the bedroom. The house can wait–a marriage cannot wait for long.

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